3 February 2012, 2:12 pm
I'm not going to whine about how ugly I am, but I'm going to share how it feels even though I have come to terms with being unattractive, but it is still something that tears me apart - I honestly don't understand how people can get over it, even when they strongly believe that it's the inside that counts. I can take care of myself fine, but it's hard to watch my closest friends getting boyfriends and to hear of their sex stories, when I'm just some lonely virgin who guys often give dirty looks to. I'm not mean at all, if someone talks to me I'm nice and I don't look unapproachable, it's just that I'm not attractive. I have always had really bad skin, I've wasted over hundred dollars on products that never worked, been to many dermatologists and have had no luck, one dermatologist told me there wasn't anything I could really do about my skin. I only get acne on my chest and back, then hardly anything on my face, but it's my complexion, it's really bad with large pores, dried looking skin, it's gross, trust me. I haven't worn a shirt that doesn't go up to my neck and cover my shoulders in at least four years, I honestly just cried one time because all I wanted was to wear a tank top, I know that's silly to cry about, but it's been a while. It's hard to walk down the halls at school and have people stare because of my bad skin, it's hard to enter a room and have girls smirk at me, or to walk down the street and some guys call me fat when I'm as skinny as a twig. The hardest part, I think, is that I let my parents down. My mothers disappointment in me is often apparent, my mom is very beautiful and very outgoing and this party animal. My mom's friends have daughters my age, and they are all cheer leaders and are very pretty. I can see that my mother wishes I was the same, I can see the pain in her eyes when her friends talk about their daughters new boyfriends or upcoming football games. IT's because she was a beautiful cheerleader with lots of boyfriends as a kid, and she got stuck with me, the ugly one. I wish I could give her what she wants, I waste all my time trying to be pretty, but I'm sorry that not everyone can be born looking like Meagan Fox or Heidi Klum. It's not a choice and people look down at you as if it was. I know it's what's on the inside that counts, but it'd be easier to follow that if looking in the mirror didn't make me hate myself so much. I'm sorry if this sounds pathetic, but honestly good looking people don't understand what they truly have and honestly feel free to disagree but it will never change my belief in that. How do you deal with being ugly? How do I get past this feeling of insignificance so that I can focus on the inside? Anything helps. (by the way, I do make myself look the best I can, but it doesn't really make a difference) Thanks so much... Read More »
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